Wordplay!
/You Can’t Make This Shit Up…
Well, technically that is exactly the raison detre of all fiction is it not? My home library is overflowing with made up shit, but in this instance, I am talking about made up words, twisted phrases and the purposefully broken use of language that inhabit books.
Wordplay is by definition the clever and witty use of words and the manipulation of their meaning. The application of techniques such as snark, oxymorons, slang, euphuisms, puns and malapropisms can elicit distinct and often colourful responses in a reader. For centuries it has made language and the consumption of it more invigorating and captivating, not to mention fun! Without it there would be far fewer exceptional books in the world for us to indulge in.
If you are lucky, you will cross paths with various forms of wordplay several times over in a day. Whether it be in a conversation, song, movie, television show, social media or ad, it’s abundant should you be attentive.
For this particular play time I will focus on what I discovered from books, of course. Come play with me…
Made Up Words
These may delight and even surprise you. The internet research I did to flesh this out was a bit worrisome! Maybe terrifying is a better word…
Interjaculate – to verbally ejaculate in the midst of a conversation. Count yourself lucky I am leaving it at that.
Nippletism – when parents allow their children to remain on the financial “teat”. Teat being a whole other conversation…
Awkweird – equals parts weird and awkward. Obviously…
Ignoranus – a person both stupid and an asshole.
Sarchasm – gulf between the conveyor of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Textpectation – anticipation felt when awaiting a response to a text. Bubbles…no bubbles…
Craptacular – so shitty as to be worthy of special recognition.
Bedazzled – the particular gleam of sunshine or bright light that hits the eye. First introduced to us by Shakespeare.
Whodunit – a question made into an adjective to describe a type of mystery. Couldn’t find the origin here but probably the same person who gave us ladyporn. No imagination.
Nerd – smart but socially inept individual. First introduced to us by Dr. Seuss. Seems like destiny to me.
Chortle – mashup of snort and chuckle.
Tween – a term used to describe a youngster between 10 and 14 years of age. First introduced to us by Tolkien. Seriously.
Boredom – state of being highly uninterested in doing anything whatsoever. First introduced to us by Dickens. Apropos right?
Pandemonium – wild uproar or chaos; unrestrained disorder. First introduced to us by Milton. The guy who wrote Paradise Lost, so…
Affluenza – lack of motivation experienced by people who have made or inherited large amounts of money.
Mansplaining – explaining something to a woman in a condescending manner. Happens multiple times in a week…
Scuzz – something or someone regarded as disgusting.
Whatchamacallit – word(?) for something you’ve forgotten. Including apparently a better way of saying that.
Unputdownable – Hate. This. Word. Overused description by otherwise intelligent people to dramatize the compulsion to finish a book.
Wowza – exclamation of shock and awe. When a wow just won’t do!
Literary Power Words
Not often used but evocative when stumbled upon while unsuspectingly moving the eye across the page of your latest read!
Ambivalent – being of two minds about something; having contradictory feelings at the same time.
Incredulous – skeptical; unwilling to admit or accept what is offered as true.
Penumbra – partial shadow, hinting at something undesirable.
Discombobulate – to confuse or disconcert. Befuddle also an excellent choice here!
Fiasco – a complete and epic failure.
Machination – to contrive or to plot, usually done with wicked glee and/or evil purpose.
Nitwit – a slow witted, oblivious or foolish person. They are everywhere…
Shenanigans – mischief and trickery; up to no good. So, where all the fun happens.
Diabolical – outrageously wicked and devilish. More naughty than nice…
Vacuous – empty, mostly of intelligence.
Voracious – exceedingly eager or avid. Consuming large volumes of what feeds the appetite.
Incandescent – aglow with purpose and light. So, no one, ever.
Repugnant – distasteful, offensive. Off-putting in every way.
Thwart – to frustrate or baffle. On purpose!
Onslaught – vigorous attack or assault; usually on one’s senses.
Defile – taunt, debase, pollute, violate the chastity of.
Poignant – deep feeling or emotion.
Visceral – proceeding from instinct rather than evidence. So usually a really bad idea…
Gluttonous – eat, drink and indulge excessively, greedily and insatiably.
Phenomenon – something impressive or extraordinary; a wonder.
Witty Repartee
Favored examples of wordplay discovered during my literary adventures, not all of it obvious. You’re welcome.
“Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.”
Eric (Terry Pratchett)
“Don’t think of it as dying. Think of it as leaving before the rush.”
Good Omens (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman)
“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”
The Importance Of Being Earnest (Oscar Wilde)
“We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet.”
The Theory Of Everything (Stephen Hawking)
“Bode Gazzer was five feet six and had never forgiven his parents for it. He wore three-inch shitkickers and walked with a swagger that suggested not so much brawn as a hemorrhoidal tribulation.”
Lucky You (Carl Hiaasen)
“I lost the plot for a while then. And I lost the subplot, the script, the soundtrack, the intermission, my popcorn, the credits and the exit sign.”
High Fidelity (Nick Hornby)
“I didn’t want to distract the people who were saving my life, so I muted my mic and screamed like a little girl. It’s true you know. In space no one can hear you scream.”
The Martian (Andy Weir)
“He flapped his mouth some more, and then shook himself awake, came to a decision and started sneaking huge, theatrical looks around the restaurant, as a way of telling all the other lunchers that I Am Now Going To Give This Man An Important Piece Of Paper.
The Gun Seller (Huge Laurie)
“Enough of this. Does every conversation with you have to be the director’s cut?”
Motherless Brooklyn (Jonathan Lethem)
“He said that it was very difficult to become an astronaut. I said that I know. You had to become an officer in the air force, and you had to take lots of orders and be prepared to kill other human beings. I couldn’t take orders and didn’t have 20/20 vision which you needed to pass the officer test…”
The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night-time (Mark Haddon)
“At the office, there was that palpable sense of Friday joy, everyone colluding with the lie that somehow the weekend would be amazing and that next week, work would be different.”
Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine (Gail Honeyman)
“He’d always liked women who’d talk back to him just a little bit. Girls with balls were good. Women with an actual mind of their own who could prove him wrong in something, were, of course, castrating bitches who should be drowned in bottomless wells.”
Crooked Little Vein (Warren Ellis)
“Faith: belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”
The Devil’s Dictionary (Ambrose Bierce)
“Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.”
Bag Of Bones (Stephen King)
“It’s safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won’t be able to smoke anywhere in America.”
When You Are Engulfed In Flames (David Sedaris)
“Remember that string of movies when we were younger, like the mid ‘90’s? The ones where the nerdy girl finally puts on make-up and a Wonderbra and everyone realizes how totally bangable she is? Yeah? Well that’s you. I’m here to give you a fresh coat of make-up and a slutty dress. Time to push up those boobies!”
We’re All Damaged (Matthew Norman)
“It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”
The Girl In Blue (P.G. Wodehouse)
“Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment…the modern equivalent of paying to watch lunatics howling at the wall down at the local madhouse.”
First Among Sequels (Jasper Fforde)
“It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.”
Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal (Christopher Moore)
“That’s what happens when you get a regular job, other people’s shit becomes your problem. By the time you’ve figured that out, it’s up around your ears and you’re just trying to keep your fucking mouth shut.”
Already Dead (Charlie Huston)
